Can I Count On You?

by Kim Evensen

03.10.17

by Kim EvensenFounder of Brothers

Can I Count On You?

"In many shoulder-to-shoulder friendships, men haven't developed the habits of emotionally intimate communication, so they don't know where they truly stand with each other. When conflicts arise, they're clueless about how to resolve them. Left in a state of limbo, they often try to quell or ignore their painful feelings and find themselves unable to heal."- Robert Garfield ("Breaking the Male Code") A couple of days ago I walked home from a conference in the city. On my way home, I met a guy I haven't chatted to in three years. As we started walking, he asked the question that started a very honest and beautiful conversation: "So what is this Brothers thing all about?" After I had shared with him why I founded Brothers and why it means so much to me, he opened up about some of his own experiences with his own 'male friendships'. After listening to him for a few minutes, I realised quickly that he had been quite hurt by someone he thought he could trust. He expressed that in moments of need, he had reached out to some of his best friends, but then being met by little or no compassion. He wanted a friend he could count on, but the ones he thought he could rely on, either wasn't able to handle him opening up about how he was doing, or they simply didn't know how to care. As Robert Garfield has written in his book "Breaking the Male Code", many men actually don't know where they stand with each other. And sometimes, when a man dares to open up, he realises quickly that it hurts to do so. Instead of being met with love, compassion and care, he is rather met with confusion, rejection or the classic one-liner 'man up'. Not being able to open to someone you call your best friend is definitely hurtful. But let's remember that most men who struggle with emotionally intimate communication don't mean to hurt the other. They simply haven't practiced this skill enough yet. ...I was not expecting to chat with this guy on my way home from the city, that night. But I am glad I did. I think he needed to talk. And I know he is not the only one who does.Emotional support is a normal and healthy expectation to have of someone you call a brother. My wish is that every man knows without a doubt that he has a close brother he can count on when he needs it. He deserves nothing less.

Can I Count On You?

by Kim Evensen

03.10.17

by Kim EvensenFounder of Brothers

Can I Count On You?

"In many shoulder-to-shoulder friendships, men haven't developed the habits of emotionally intimate communication, so they don't know where they truly stand with each other. When conflicts arise, they're clueless about how to resolve them. Left in a state of limbo, they often try to quell or ignore their painful feelings and find themselves unable to heal."- Robert Garfield ("Breaking the Male Code") A couple of days ago I walked home from a conference in the city. On my way home, I met a guy I haven't chatted to in three years. As we started walking, he asked the question that started a very honest and beautiful conversation: "So what is this Brothers thing all about?" After I had shared with him why I founded Brothers and why it means so much to me, he opened up about some of his own experiences with his own 'male friendships'. After listening to him for a few minutes, I realised quickly that he had been quite hurt by someone he thought he could trust. He expressed that in moments of need, he had reached out to some of his best friends, but then being met by little or no compassion. He wanted a friend he could count on, but the ones he thought he could rely on, either wasn't able to handle him opening up about how he was doing, or they simply didn't know how to care. As Robert Garfield has written in his book "Breaking the Male Code", many men actually don't know where they stand with each other. And sometimes, when a man dares to open up, he realises quickly that it hurts to do so. Instead of being met with love, compassion and care, he is rather met with confusion, rejection or the classic one-liner 'man up'. Not being able to open to someone you call your best friend is definitely hurtful. But let's remember that most men who struggle with emotionally intimate communication don't mean to hurt the other. They simply haven't practiced this skill enough yet. ...I was not expecting to chat with this guy on my way home from the city, that night. But I am glad I did. I think he needed to talk. And I know he is not the only one who does.Emotional support is a normal and healthy expectation to have of someone you call a brother. My wish is that every man knows without a doubt that he has a close brother he can count on when he needs it. He deserves nothing less.