The Importance ofMale Bonding

Here are some of the positive effects of male bonding in a man’s life*: - Less likelihood of social isolation (which can lead to stress related illnesses, isolation, addiction, suicide, divorce and violence).- Increased lifetime (less likelihood of Alzheimers, obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, neurodegenerative diseases, and even cancer.)**- Greater success in men’s personal and professional lives.- Increased resources and resiliency in times of crisis.- Stronger connection with family, spouse, kids, peers and themselves.- Greater peace of mind and sense of purpose. Psychologist Niobe Way says that "when adolescent boys stop sharing their intimate feelings with their peers,

we see an alarming increase in their rates of depression and suicide. Wives who cite their husband´s ´emotional unavailability´ as the primary cause of divorce initiate two out of every three divorces today."  She goes on to say that the absence of close friendships also can have negative effects on a man´s physical health and lower his bodily resistance to illness.*** After studying topics about masculinity and male bonding, we can without a doubt state that deep and genuine male friendships are vital for men. It is not about how many friends you have, though - it has much more to do about the depth and quality of the relationship itself. A wise man once said: “Show me your friends, and I´ll show you your future”.

And if you think about it, it makes much sense. We all get affected by the people we surround ourselves with. By allowing people to be close to us, we let them bring out new sides of us that we might never thought existed. Those sides can either be good or not so good, which is why we ought to choose our friends carefully. Click here to learn more about Brothers, the leading organisation championing men's friendships.

*Sources: Deep Secrets (Niobe Way), When Boys Become Boys (Judy Y Chu), Remaking Manhood (Mark Greene).**"Why Do We Murder The Beautiful Friendships of Boys?" by Mark Greene.***Garfield, Robert. "Men In Transition." Breaking the Male Code: Unlocking the Power of Friendship: Overcoming Male Isolation for a Longer, Happier Life. New York: Avery, an Imprint of Penguin Random House, 2016. N. pag. Print.

The Importance ofMale Bonding

Here are some of the positive effects of male bonding in a man’s life*: - Less likelihood of social isolation (which can lead to stress related illnesses, isolation, addiction, suicide, divorce and violence).- Increased lifetime (less likelihood of Alzheimers, obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, neurodegenerative diseases, and even cancer.)**- Greater success in men’s personal and professional lives.- Increased resources and resiliency in times of crisis.- Stronger connection with family, spouse, kids, peers and themselves.- Greater peace of mind and sense of purpose. Psychologist Niobe Way says that "when adolescent boys stop sharing their intimate feelings with their peers, we see an alarming increase in their rates of depression and suicide. Wives who cite their husband´s ´emotional unavailability´ as the primary cause of divorce initiate two out of every three divorces today."  She goes on to say that the absence of close friendships also can have negative effects on a man´s physical health and lower his bodily resistance to illness.*** After studying topics about masculinity and male bonding, we can without a doubt state that deep and genuine male friendships are vital for men. It is not about how many friends you have, though - it has much more to do about the depth and quality of the relationship itself. A wise man once said: “Show me your friends, and I´ll show you your future”. And if you think about it, it makes much sense. We all get affected by the people we surround ourselves with. By allowing people to be close to us, we let them bring out new sides of us that we might never thought existed. Those sides can either be good or not so good, which is why we ought to choose our friends carefully. Click here to learn more about Brothers, the leading organisation championing men's friendships.

*Sources: Deep Secrets (Niobe Way), When Boys Become Boys (Judy Y Chu), Remaking Manhood (Mark Greene).**"Why Do We Murder The Beautiful Friendships of Boys?" by Mark Greene.***Garfield, Robert. "Men In Transition." Breaking the Male Code: Unlocking the Power of Friendship: Overcoming Male Isolation for a Longer, Happier Life. New York: Avery, an Imprint of Penguin Random House, 2016. N. pag. Print.

Cultural norms and roadblocks

The Taboo

The topic of male friendships is important. Unfortunately it is a topic that so many of us get put off by or find awkward to talk about.
Brothers’ goal is to equip men of all generations to have strong and authentic friendships. We also seek to combat damaging cultural mindsets (or the taboo) that may hinder men from having worthwhile friendships in their lives. Though most people love our message, support it and understand why we fight for it, I’ve heard some funny responses when telling people about Brothers: - ‘What? Friendships between guys?’ (followed by an awkward laughter)- ‘Wow, sounds a bit extreme to run an organisation about that.’- ‘Oh, that’s interesting … So is it a gay thing?’- ‘A movement about guys’ friendships … Well, is that really necessary?’- ‘It must be something wrong with whoever came up with the idea of this whole Brothers-thing…'- ‘Please… Guys don’t care about having deep friendships, especially not with other dudes. Girls do. Not guys. That’s just weird…’ Little did we know that running Brothers would sometimes feel like walking on eggshells. People have so many perceptions of love, masculinity and male friendship. Post a photo of two guys (a friendship), and some people will think they’re gay. Encourage guys to comfort each other when needed, and people think we’re trying to turn men into a cuddle club.  And the list goes on … All the stigma and awkwardness around men’s friendships is a clear sign that something has gone terribly wrong. And we need to do something about it. Ask a five-year-old boy about his best friend. He will most likely gladly elaborate about him and his friendship. He will have no problem expressing his love for his friend. Ask a grown man, and his response will be quite different. Are you up for dealing with this taboo, once and for all? The more we talk about it, the less taboo it becomes.

The Perception of Masculinity

In Western culture, there are well integrated and strongly embraced beliefs about what manhood and masculinity is like. These mindsets are, according to physiotherapist Robert Garfield, some of the most common roadblocks to emotional intimacy in men´s relationships. A “real man” is often portrayed as someone emotionally restrained, competitive, physically tough, self-sustaining and independent. Men are instead taught not to express emotions, show vulnerability, be affectionate, give or get support... The list goes on and on. As a result, many guys embrace the belief that they aren´t wired to handle emotional intimacy in their relationships. The "emotional intimacy qualities" that are vital to the flourishing of any human being are considered as feminine, and are separated from manly. Since these qualities are being neglected, many men experience difficulties connecting with themselves and the ones around them. The consequences of this can be devastating. And if that is not detrimental enough— it can cause many unnessesary relational challenges in his friendships, marriage and family.

*Garfield, Robert. "Men In Transition." Breaking the Male Code: Unlocking the Power of Friendship: Overcoming Male Isolation for a Longer, Happier Life. New York: Avery, an Imprint of Penguin Random House, 2016. N. pag. Print.

The Sexualisation of Love

It would be absurd to believe that our mindsets have not been affected by the hyper-sexualised world that we live in. In Western culture, we are constantly being exposed to music, movies, media and advertisements with sexual messages. The words ´love´ and ´sex´ have been used interchangeably, and without being aware of it, we have formed perceptions about love and intimacy that aren´t true or helpful.Brothers believes that these perceptions have become a roadblock in creating worthwhile male friendships, and is one of the reasons to why several men (in this case) have the belief that love and intimacy in deep friendships has to be sexual in nature. Many guys believe that they are not supposed to express or receive admiration or love from other men— and if they do, it must be considered sexual. Even worse; that other people will misunderstand it as sexual. As a natural response, they tend to avoid closeness with other men. They keep a "safe distance" between themselves and their male friends, to make sure that no one, including themselves, would assume that the their relationship is sexual. The sexualisation of love has become a massive roadblock in creating intimacy within male friendships. As a result, many men in today´s society starve themselves from male closeness, which they very much need and want, but most likely won´t admit to— or even be aware of.From conception, we are paired with a mother and a father. Both female and male communion and interaction is important to the healthy development and growth of an individual. Brothers believe that the importance of both doesn't come to an end as we grow older. We know that this whole topic is a sensitive topic to talk about......but that does not mean that we should shy away from talking about it. It is only by confronting this mindset that we can actually make a difference. How we present it, of course, matters a lot. But again; however this topic might be presented, some people will feel uncomfortable. Why? Because confronting mindsets is uncomfortable.  And just to make it very clear:We are by no means trying to turn men into a cuddle-club! Everyone expresses affection and care in different ways. But we do want to inspire men to develop worthwhile, quality friendships; and if this "fear", if we can call it that, stops men from developing these kind of friendships, it ought to be addressed.

The Sheer Neglect of Male Friendship

Genuine friendships between men has in many cases been neglected, ridiculed or dulled down to a shallow hang-out. Neglected or Ridiculed The presence or absence of deep male friendships has major effects on a man's life. Ironically enough, it is still not taken very seriously by our society. Sometimes deep friendships between men is even ridiculed or made fun of. It should be a normal and good thing, but as boys grow up and turn into men, it is somehow a bit 'corny' to long for a best friend you can entrust with your heart. Dulled downWhy do you normally want to spend time with the people close to you? Hopefully, because you feel supported, wanted and loved by them. Our experience is that many men do have friends around them, but that these friendships lack both depth, genuine love and purpose.Male friendship has for too long been accepted as just a shallow hang-out, rather than a soul-enriching relationship. And maybe that is the reason why many men don't see the point of investing time and energy into their mates. Many men simply don't value genuine friendship because they haven't experienced real friendship. Over-Emphasis on Romantic RelationshipsIf you pay attention to today´s Western culture, romantic relationships are highly emphasised. In most movies, music, and media, romantic relationships are considered as the “main goal”, and we are encouraged to pursue them at all costs. The sense of commitment and dedication in loving male friendships, on the other hand, seems to have been neglected.We might assume that it has always been like this, but, according to history, that is not the case. In ancient times, male friendships were very highly esteemed, but as romantic relationships the last century has achieved a higher status in social order, male friendships have struggled to sustain its former primacy.* Brothers are all for romantic relationships and marriages, but we do believe that it doesn´t have to come at the cost of one’s close, male friendships.

*Lewis, C. S. "Friendship." The Four Loves. London: William Collins, 2012. N. pag. Print.